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Rewards

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Day 21 of Disney dreaming

Three weeks sugar-free.  That is a major milestone for me.  I don’t remember ever being sugar-free for three weeks, not in my entire life.  It feels good.  My blood sugar has stabilized, which can only be a good thing.  Yippee!  I feel less volatile.

Saturday dinner has often been from Dominos or KFC or Taco Bell.  A fast food dinner to “reward” ourselves for a day off after a week of work.  Now I’m rethinking that idea.   What is rewarding to a healthy body?  A high fat, high salt, high cholesterol, high simple-carb dinner?  Or a dinner that is low fat, low salt, low cholesterol with complex carbs.  I choose the latter.  Today I choose the latter.

Here’s the plan: today I will research four new recipes to try this week.  The internet has been my best tool in eating healthy.  Then I’ll make up my grocery list for the week and be ready to shop tomorrow.

Dinner tonight?  Easy Salmon, a recipe I found last week.  I mix one quarter cup of low-sodium soy sauce with one teaspoon of lemon juice, half a teaspoon of ginger, one quarter teaspoon of cinnamon and an eighth of a teaspoon of pepper.  Then I place the salmon fillets in a shallow dish, pour the liquid mix over the fillets (two 6-ounce fillets) and bake at 325 degrees about 25 minutes.  We will feast tonight on salmon, boiled potatoes and fresh veggies with black bean hummus.  Delicious!

Thank you for reading, dear friends.  Meet you at the Kingdom!  (I’m on my way, Mickey!!)

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True Confession

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Day 15 as I dance toward Disney World.

True confessions day.  

I once attended a one day retreat at Chicago’s Botanic Garden.  At one point we were instructed to find a place of solitude, and work our way through a set of questions as we meditated.  One question resonated with me.  “What kind of a tree are you?”  Shades of Barbara Walter, right?  As I contemplated this question in quiet serenity surrounded by beautiful nature, the answer came to me.  I am an English Oak.  Not tall, like our American Oak trees, but sturdy, solid, capable of holding heavy burdens.  Strong, upright, with significant mass.  I cried a bit as I thought that this is what God has called me to be.  Solid, strong, able to share others burdens.  And it was an affirmation that God created me for purpose and that I have self-worth.  When we regrouped to discuss our responses to the questions, I shared my thoughts.  Around me everyone looked confused.  The question that I had read and reread and reread again, was NOT in the booklet.  A mini-miracle when God met me where I needed him.    

I do not and have not ever loved myself.  I don’t know why.  There is a deep seeded self-loathing, that God is only just revealing to me. I have no single traumatic event to attribute it to.  However, I believe this is why I have attempted to create this layer of protection on my body.  It has led to my isolating myself often, and this creates a false sense of safety and security.

So here’s the plan: I will go to church and pray for the Lord to teach me to love my self.  He tells us to love our neighbor as ourself, but if I don’t love myself, then how can I truly love my neighbor?  Scripture also tells us that our bodies are temples for the Holy Spirit.  I have been a deadbeat landlord of my temple.  Now I want to take better care of this body.

Kinda heavy today, but as I make this journey I pray to uncover the issues that have added to the problem.

Looking forward to partying at the Kingdom.  Meet you there.